Posts Tagged food

Love this doctor?

Q: Doctor,  I’ve heard that  cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your  heart is only good for so many  beats, and that’s it…  don’t waste them on exercise.
Everything wears out  eventually.  Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer;
that’s like saying you can extend  the life of your car by driving it faster.
Want to live longer?  Take a  nap.

Q: Should  I cut  down on meat and  eat more fruits and  vegetables?
A: You  must grasp  logistical efficiencies.  What does a cow eat?   Hay and corn.
And what are these?  Vegetables.  So a steak  is nothing more  than an efficient
mechanism of  delivering vegetables to your  system.   Need grain?   Eat  chicken.
Beef is also a good source  of field grass  (green leafy vegetable).
And a pork chop can  give you  100% of your recommended daily allowance of  vegetable  products.

Q: Should  I reduce my  alcohol intake?
A:  No,  not at all.  Wine is made from  fruit.  Brandy is  distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of  the fruity bit so you  get even more
of the goodness that  way.   Beer is also made out  of grain.  Bottoms   up!

Q: How  can I calculate my body/fat   ratio?
A: Well,  if you have a body and you have  fat, your ratio is one  to one.
If you have two bodies, your  ratio is two to  one, etc.

Q: What  are some of  the advantages of participating in a regular  exercise  program?
A: Can’t  think of a single one, sorry.  My  philosophy is: No  Pain…Good!
Q:  Aren’t  fried  foods bad for you?
A:  YOU’RE  NOT  LISTENING!!! ….  Foods are fried these days in  vegetable oil.
In fact,  they’re permeated in it.  How could  getting more  vegetables be bad for  you?

Q:  Will  sit-ups  help prevent me from getting a little soft  around  the middle?
A: Definitely  not! When  you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You  should only be  doing sit-ups if you want a bigger   stomach.

Q:  Is   chocolate bad for me?
A:  Are   you crazy? HELLO   Cocoa  beans ! Another vegetable!!!
It’s the best feel-good   food around!

Q:  Is   swimming good for your figure?
A:  If   swimming is good for  your figure,  explain whales to  me.

Q:  Is getting   in-shape important for my   lifestyle?
A:  Hey!  ‘Round’ is  a shape!

NOTES:  Don’t take this joke seriously buddy !!! I am nowhere responsible if you are following this Doctor’s advice. ;)

Tags: food, Fun, funny, Hospitality/Recreation, jokes, music

Nature’s Pharmacy

Nature left us great clues as to what foods help what part of our body!

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A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye… and YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.

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A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All o f the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food.

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Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.

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A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums.  Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.

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Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.

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Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don’t have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.

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Avocadoes, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female – they look just like these organs. Today’s research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this?  It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).

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Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility.

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Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.

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Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries.

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Oranges, Grapefruits, and other Citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.

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Onions look like the body’s cells. Today’s research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, Garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.

Tags: blood food, cancers, food, fruit, health, heart attack, nature, photolytic chemical constituents